Please note that you may relate more to the opposite sex in the following scenarios, that’s completely valid and ok. I used the gender pronouns as I did because we tend to relate this way.
Have you ever had your feelings hurt & wanted reassurance from your partner…only instead of reassurance he tried to “logic” you out of your feelings?
Have you ever been engaging in a “conversational debate” with a girlfriend or other close woman, and then she got “emotional” on you? Maybe even cried?
These occurrences happen all the time in our relationships. Sometimes they are just small little things that we brush off, just a little annoyance or a little hurt and we go on with our day. Other times, they can build up so that even a minor occurrence can launch a destructive cycle of anger and tears. Often, we have a hard time understanding what just happened.
Several months ago, I was feeling a bit insecure in one area of my life (yes, this still happens occasionally). I was sharing this with my lover, and he started asking me all these fact based questions to logic me out of my insecurity. This didn’t cause a fight or hurt feelings, however, I left that conversation still feeling insecure and rather less than satisfied. I knew he was trying to take care of me the best he knew how, and yet, he didn’t quite hit the mark. Over the course of the next several weeks (and several other insecure moments) things spiraled downward until we were having a hard time really connecting. Because of that, I ended up examining what was going on through some more reading & reconnecting with some PAX information. My lover and I were able to able to talk about how when I’m feeling emotional or insecure, logic will rarely help out. I was also able to figure out what I needed from him in the future.
Last week, I was having a moment of embarrassment about a situation. I was sharing that with him, and he started asking me logical questions again. This time I said, “I don’t need logic right now, I just need reassurance,” and instantly he was my hero, giving me the reassurance I needed. At the end of that brief conversation I felt secure and happy. Now don’t expect to be able to say that sentence to your partner and get the same results without the background conversations and some deal making. You might set yourself up for more hurt feelings if he doesn’t know how to reassure you the way you need. In order for this to work, you will have to figure out what you really need and be able to communicate it to your partner in a way that will work.
Now on the flip side, trying to change your man’s opinion about something, based on your feelings about it, will rarely ever work. Just as facts can’t logic you out of your feelings; emotional arguments won’t change his decisions, actions, or opinions that are based on facts and logic. And of course, this can just cause more hurt feelings on your part! Basically, we need to keep logic with logic and emotion with emotion in order to work things out. And guess what? Men & women are wired a bit differently when it comes to dealing with feelings and opinions!
Questions to ask yourself (and please share with me if you are inclined)
The following questions are designed to help you look at your own relationship, your actions, and the results you’re getting.
If you are so inclined, I would love to hear your answers…
What have you noticed in your relationships with the opposite sex, regarding feelings & logic?
Have you been able to share with your partner what you needed at the beginning of a conversation? How did that turn out for you?
If you are feeling a bit insecure in a relationship, what do you usually do or say? And how does that turn out?
If you want more information about the differences in Men & Women, check out my favorite workshops on the topic at http://www.UnderstandMen.com
Ladies - you can sign up for a FREE workshop, "Making Sense of Men"...it's a great introduction and explains a lot! When you register you can let them know I sent you.
I help couples create partnerships of love, joy and harmony. My desire is that you experience the magic of love in your relationship and that my posts help make that possible.
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